Last night I had a tasking from my new Master that really made me feel uncomfortable but I know it was done to make me feel good about myself. I appreciate the purpose behind it. I think part of my problem is I have never been known as the pretty one up until the last 3 years. Growing up I have always been known as the stronger one, the "Tom-boy", as the one that although like to play sports couldn't because she was the not-so-talented and smart one. I was the older sister and had always wanted brothers so I could be the pretty one, the one that was protected instead of the "proctectee".
I am a servant. I started serving the military, trying to be the best at my job in the Navy. Not too long after I joined the Navy, I got married. Then I was a servant to a violent man. If I did not serve every one of his needs, I was punished in any way you could think of and not in a good way. When that was over I again dove into serving the military. Then I got pregnant and got married, so I was once again serving a man and now a serving to every need of a child. That was my life... serving those two men. Then another child 4 years later, and I served him and his special needs. I have been serving all three of those men for the past 21 years. I have tried to protect my children and make sure they didn't get too hurt along the path that was given to them.
Now i have been given a wonderful tasking of not only serving a Master. I love doing that tremendously, however comma I would like to know what it feels like to have one person serve me just for one day, without question, with out hesitation, and without questioning. Actually was going to have someone serve me, but it doesn't look like that is ever going to happen. the person i thought was going to serve me isn't interested in serving me, but more like having me serve her. That is not what I want but what can i do?
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