AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL?

Tonight I was speaking to ML and asking him all sorts of questions, I was letting know that I am tired of trying to find out why it is so hard to get my potential slave/sub to submit completely to me.  Why is it that she feels more comfortable talking to someone else instead of me?  Why does she feel she needs to not trust in me/with me?  Why does she feel that her way is the better way and that I am in the wrong? 

Well, after asking her those questions it turned around into me not supporting her in an argument she had been having with a mutual friend.  And so I really didn't get my answers at that time.  So I reworded the questions, still she worked her way around answering the questions I had and turned them around into something that has been bothering her. 

Well to make a long story short, ML has forbid me to take her on as a potential sub/pet until her and I can basically hash everything else that seems to keep weighing on our minds.  I don't see that happening any time soon.  He said he knows I am not happy and that is not what he wants.  I am glad he stepped in and said something, but then again I would have liked to give it a try on my own.  None~the~less, I feel relieved.

AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL???


On another note, I screwed up last night..  I did not send MC an invitation to my blogs.  I did not make sure that the other emails were sent completely.  Then I don't know what happened, but on a daily basis I am supposed to send a picture of myself with what I am wearing for the day, well that message did not go through.    TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY!!!

With all of the errors that I have done, I have not been scolded like I should have, I have not been punished like I should have. 

AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL!!!!!

Hard as a Rock

Well if I had a dick it would be hard.  Well I should say that it would have been, until I talked to another Master.  He said he was proud of me but I needed to really bring it home for my potential pet/slave.  Meaning I needed to use more words like now and no and use them sternly. 

At first I was really hurt by his words.  I did understand what he meant but I was my first real jump of that deep end, it may have been a little step, but all I wanted to hear was that I did a good job, not that I needed to do this that and the other thing.  Don't get me wrong I would have asked later on, what he his opinion was on my next step, but I didn't want his opinion right then and there.

I think next time I will just have to tell him not to comment until I ask for it.

However, Master Bear did tell me that he was proud of me and that really means a lot to me.  It is with his help and strength that I feel that I can do it and keep moving forward. 

I don't think I am going to take the advice of everyone and use all of it.  I think I am going to take their advice and put my own twist on it.

If things happen it is going to be a good experience for everyone... key word in that sentence is IF!

Silence

i found out this evening that my potential pet/sub is unable to discuss anything with me.  i found out that she is ONLY able to talk to my Master.  I found out that no matter what happens she is unable to get detached from him.  It really is getting on my nerves and i don't know if I can take anymore of it.  i am sick of trying to be patient.  i am sick of wanting something to be there and hoping that something will be there and then find out there isn't what I want.

 I just want to have the answers I ask for that apparently are too much to ask for.

Betrayed Again and Again and Again and Again and Again......

How many times is someone supposed to be betrayed before they finally get the hint?  How many times is someone supposed to be lied to before they finally say enough is enough?  How many times does someone have to feel drug on before they get the hint?  Well i have to say that enough is enough and I am completely done with it.  I am a much stronger person then this.  I am a much better person then this.  I was told tonight by my potential pet/slave that she loves me and she wants to be mine but she is not sure about me not hurting her.... WTF is that all about????  Was she not sure about getting hurt by any of her other Master hurting her?  She claims that I am more real then the other ones.  She has felt me, she has seen me.. So she then asked me to promise that I would not hurt her.  I told her i would not do that... I told her that I could not promise that.  I did tell her that I was going to try to not hurt her.. that apparently is not good enough for her.  She wants to wait another month and a half to let me know if she wants to be mine.  AM I FREAKING STUPID????  


I guess time will only tell...

My Ring

Today was an alright day.  Thought it was going well until I had hit a couple of speed bumps.  Thought I had physical therapy today, come to find out it was Thursday.  Oh well, I will just call them and reschedule it. 

I have this ring that I want to get resized, so I can give it to someone.  So i went to this jewelry store to see how much it will cost and they told me that it was going to be a lot less then I thought it would be, but they didn't recommend it at all.  The jeweler said that it is an old ring and he said that he would recommend that I just get ahold of the company that made the ring and see if I can get one made to look just like it.  So I am going to go to a different jewelry store and see what they tell me.

I have this other ring that I was asking about as well.  It used to be my grandmothers.  I asked him how much it would cost to get it cleaned.  Well long story short, I found out that the ring is worth a lot more then I thought it was.  He told me that I need to get it insured, but I have to have a proper appraisal on it. 

I was pretty excited to learn that the ring I have loved and thought was only worth a couple hundred dollars was actually worth a couple of thousand.

The Therapist is IN

Today was a very interesting day.  Besides the fact that I had to work all day, well for almost 13 hours, but I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker.  There was a girl that I work with that thought a fellow co-worker's was attractive.  So I started to ask him a little bit about his private life (which after a couple of months of knowing him I had no clue about), was he married, "No" he says.  "How old are you?" 39 he says.  I told him he is safe because he was too young for this girl.  He asked me who it is, I told him, just to see his reaction... maybe there was hope for them to be a couple, I thought.  Well he started to chuckle and when we were alone in the smoking area he proceeded to tell me that he is gay.  WOW! I never would have thought that.  But I am glad that he felt confidence in me to tell me.  I am the only person in the entire warehouse that knows.  It makes me feel good when people can tell me things like that. 

On another note, I am tired.  I am sick and tired.  I am sick and tired of drama.  I wish there was a way for me to get rid of the drama in my life, but I know it wouldn't be much of a life without drama.  Everyone needs to have a little drama in their lives.  But you know what, it sure seems like I am loaded with people that want to bring their drama.  There are days, and nights too, where I wish i could just curl up under the covers and stay there all day if it meant that I could get away from the drama.  But it doesn't work out that way.

Did I ever mention that i want to learn a new language?  Did I ever mention that I don't think I am smart enough to learn a different language.  I have been told that I need to perfect the language I know already then move onto a different one.  Oh well... maybe some day,,,

Well I am going to go to bed before I fall asleep with the computer in my lap.

Smoohes!!!

Protect the Servant

Last night I had a tasking from my new Master that really made me feel uncomfortable but I know it was done to make me feel good about myself.  I appreciate the purpose behind it.  I think part of my problem is I have never been known as the pretty one up until the last 3 years.  Growing up I have always been known as the stronger one, the "Tom-boy", as the one that although like to play sports couldn't because she was the not-so-talented and smart one.  I was the older sister and had always wanted brothers so I could be the pretty one, the one that was protected instead of the "proctectee". 

I am a servant.  I started serving the military, trying to be the best at my job in the Navy.  Not too long after I joined the Navy, I got married.  Then I was a servant to a violent man.  If I did not serve every one of his needs, I was punished in any way you could think of and not in a good way.  When that was over I again dove into serving the military.  Then I got pregnant and got married, so I was once again serving a man and now a serving to every need of a child.  That was my life... serving those two men. Then another child 4 years later, and I served him and his special needs.  I have been serving all three of those men for the past 21 years.  I have tried to protect my children and make sure they didn't get too hurt along the path that was given to them.

Now i have been given a wonderful tasking of not only serving a Master.  I love doing that tremendously, however comma I would like to know what it feels like to have one person serve me just for one day, without question, with out hesitation, and without questioning.  Actually was going to have someone serve me, but it doesn't look like that is ever going to happen.  the person i thought was going to serve me isn't interested in serving me, but more like having me serve her.  That is not what I want but what can i do? 

Just Another Day

Today was just another day.  I have just gone through the day as numb as usual.  I have had some really bad feelings about my own possibly future pet.  I can not seem to get out of my head that she has been doing nothing but causing drama in my life and those around me.  The bigger problem is she is now aware of what she has been doing. She, my possibly future pet, has gotten upset because I was speaking to a couple of people that were giving me advice.  Then she brings in someone that did not know what was going on at all.  She claimed that he knows how to deal with her.  How can he deal with her when he doesn't know what is going on? I had to tell him my side of the story, just like she claimed she wanted to tell our mutual friends.  I can not wait for our mutual friends and my new Master what her friend has been saying.

Now as for my other friend, the one with the sex change.  I am hopefully going to get to see her tomorrow.  I can't wait.  I miss her so much.  But she may not be able to get away to come visit me even just for a moment.

I am supposed to go to bed in 14 minutes.  I am sure ready.


I hope tomorrow is a brighter day.

WHAT MORE CAN BE PUT ON MY PLATE???

August 23, 2010 ~


Today was a day of emotions.  I woke up in such a good mood, feeling like i am going to concur the world, even though I woke up later than I anticipated, still I did make it to work on time.  I felt like I was going to get my work done in plenty of time.    My day started off with feeling pretty good and then it progressively got worse and worse.  I have this girlfriend that wants to be a part of my life and my new Master's life but she is jealous of my and his friendship, so she causes problems with me because of it.   I have only one thing to say... I was about to just tell my girlfriend to pack sand and leave me the heck alone.  I have lost sleep, lost tears, and lost my temper (which i pride myself on not allowing anyone to get me to do) over the jealousy that she seemed to portray but not admit to.  Even as I am writing this she is still arguing with me about her not being jealous. 

Then I tried to get her and my new Master to speak to each other about what has been going on between them and now, even though I have said I want to stay out of the middle of it, I am still being brought in the middle of it. 

So then I come home to find a couple of text messages from a dear dear girlfriend of mine, that I always have loved.  Saying for me to check my email that she has sent me an important email and wanted my opinion.  I couldn't wait to get on line and check it out.  She wanted my opinion on her getting a sex change.  It has always been her dream to do it and now she is asking me for my opinion.  I have never felt so privileged to have someone ask me such a life altering question.  That makes me feel good.

Now for having my new Master... I am very happy that he is so understanding as to what is going on in my personal life.  Yes my other Master was also understanding however comma he thought that having an orgasim would solve all of the problems of the world.  Well sorry that is not what i am about.  i prefer talking about it, yelling about it and oh i don't know maybe even solving the problem.  It is almost like his way of thinking is almost like the thought process of an alcoholic.

Well I have to go and get into bed.  Hope my ramblings on doesn't put you off.

Have a nice day!

The Meaning of To Serve

You would think there would be several meanings for serving.  The best one I have come up is an individual who performs duties about the person or home of a Master.  To serve is to be a servant.  To be a servant is to be a slave.  To be a slave is to serve a Master, is to please a Master, is to make sure that your Master is happy.

This is my first day of being a slave to a new Master.  I am excited about getting to know what it is like to have a different type of Master.  I have found that there is a difference between Masters.  One Master may be interested in just the playing role mainly in the bedroom and one Master is interested in living the lifestyle in a more 24 hour ~ 7 day a week type.

 So I am looking forward to seeing what it the difference is.