Today I have once again apparently hurt someone that I have never intended in hurting. However, I have been hurt as well. I care deeply for this person, and I thought he cared for me. He says he does, and I believe him but then how can he say he is not going to give something to me because i can't love myself? I understand that he doesn't want to get hurt himself, I know how he feels, no one wants to get hurt. I would and hopefully have not hurt him in anyway, until today.
I am so confused as to what to do. I want to tell my friend how I care for him. I want to tell my friend that he means a great deal more to me then just a mere friend. I want to tell him that he is more like my best friend, him and his slave/spouse that is. I want to tell him that my feelings for him will never change and no matter what he says I will ALWAYS remain his friend.
I am so confused! What am I supposed to do? Not be me? I have never really cared that much for myself. I have never had any respect for my self. I don't know how to love myself. For most of my life all I have had is someone telling me I am not worthy of this that or the other thing... well guess what? When it is told to you enough and for so long, you tend to believe it. Then a great friend comes around, like my friend, and starts to make you believe it, and then he takes it all away from you??? What the heck am I supposed to do now?
Do I still continue to love and care for him and his slave/spouse? That is a BIG DUH question.. Of course I still care and love them both. I can't stop.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
My Dream
Last night I had a really good dream. I dreamt this couple that I have become close to, (we will call him MBear, because he is a Master, and she will be called Beauty, no explanation necessary) who happen to live outside of the US, came to visit me and to come to also go to some really big and popular lifestyle party. This party involved costumes, shows/how-to's and such. this party was to go on for 3 days. One of the requirements of the party was everyone had to wear a mask that would cover most of if not all of the participants face. Anyway, I called a mutual friend of ours to come to the party as well. She (we will call her Kitten), was once owned by MBear. Kitten had no idea that MBear and Beauty were going to be at the party. I wanted to surprise her, but did not know it was going to be a surprise for everyone the way it ended up.
I met MBear and Beauty at their hotel before the party, to get dressed up. Beauty made costumes for the three of us, she is a talented seamstress. They were dressed in what looked like a renaissance time period. He was dressed as a Lord and she was a Lady and I was the Lady in waiting. I told them that i would meet them at the party and helped them step into a limosione that I got for them as a surprise. I got into my car and went and picked up Kitten. She was dressed in a store bought maids costume.
So we all got to the party and was having a great time. Kitten and I met up with MBear and Beauty, but Kitten didn't know it was them. You could have cut the sexual tension between MBear, Beauty and I with a knife. We were really enjoying all of the bare skin, the smell of leather and lotions. The alcohol was really going to my head and all I kept thinking was I really wanted to be kissed. So I leaned into Beauty and whispered into her ear, I really would love to be kissed right now. She leaned into whisper to MBear and he told her to kiss me. Kitten was shocked about how long the kiss was and she kept looking over at MBear to see if he was going to kiss her, he had no desire to kiss her at all.
After a while of kissing and being touched by Beauty and MBear, I was really wanting to get out of the party for the time being and do something fun. So I suggested the four of us leave and go back to their hotel room for a bit of fun. I wanted to make it a surprise for Kitten so as soon as she got into my car, I blindfolded her and tied her hands together in front of her. She had no idea that we were going to meet up with the other two, it was going to be a surprise. Plus I had no idea what was going to happen once we had gotten there.
We got to the hotel around the same time. I was directed, not verbally but by a gesture that I was just to stand by the car and wait for either of them to come outside and get us. Beauty walked up to me and stood extremely close to me, I could smell her shampoo, wow it sure smelled wonderful. She kissed me, and opened my blouse as to expose my breasts almost to the point of showing off my nipples. She grabbed the rope that I had in my hands that was tied around Kitten's hands. She directed me to stay right where I was standing, and she guided Kitten into the room. I waited for a while, standing in the open night air. Suddenly I see MBear walking outside towards me. He kissed me on the cheek and placed a pair of handcuffs around my wrists and attached a chain to it. He escorted me into the room. I noticed on the bed was a vast array of whips and dildos and vibrators and floggers and such. He knew that it was one thing I have really wanted and he was going to give it to me one way or the other. Also in the room was Kitten tied to a chair in the corner of the room, and Beauty was undressed from the waist up and sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs spread apart and tied to the bottom of the bed. He directed me to lay down on the bed with my head in Beauty's lap, after I was to get undressed. MBear grabbed a small flogger and proceeded to use it on me, occasionally using it on Beauty. He started to go over and use it on Kitten, but realized that it was not the right time. He wanted to get to using the bigger flogger on me before I
He did this for quiet a bit, switching between the different floggers and paddles. He looked over at Kitten and noticed she was squirming in her seat waiting for what she thought was going to be her turn. He walks over and removes her blindfold, she looked up at him and noticed he still had on his mask, and so does Beauty but mine was removed. Kitten tries to see who they are behind the masks. After a little while of playing with Beauty and myself, Kitten speaks up and asks if she was ever going to get a turn. He looks at her and shakes his head as if to say no and continues with what he was doing.
Kitten starts to whine and squirm even more, that is when he tells her to close her eyes and he removes his mask and the mask Beauty is wearing. Then directs Kitten to reopen her eyes and she is not to close them until he says so.When she does open her eyes she noticed who all was in the room, and she starts to cry.
MBear, Beauty and I play for what seems like 5 hours, touching, kissing, licking, spanking and screwing each other and listening to her cry and whine and beg.
Then I suddenly got woken up from my dream.
What do you think it meant for me to have her in that situation? What do you think it meant to have them in my dream? I look forward to find out...
I met MBear and Beauty at their hotel before the party, to get dressed up. Beauty made costumes for the three of us, she is a talented seamstress. They were dressed in what looked like a renaissance time period. He was dressed as a Lord and she was a Lady and I was the Lady in waiting. I told them that i would meet them at the party and helped them step into a limosione that I got for them as a surprise. I got into my car and went and picked up Kitten. She was dressed in a store bought maids costume.
So we all got to the party and was having a great time. Kitten and I met up with MBear and Beauty, but Kitten didn't know it was them. You could have cut the sexual tension between MBear, Beauty and I with a knife. We were really enjoying all of the bare skin, the smell of leather and lotions. The alcohol was really going to my head and all I kept thinking was I really wanted to be kissed. So I leaned into Beauty and whispered into her ear, I really would love to be kissed right now. She leaned into whisper to MBear and he told her to kiss me. Kitten was shocked about how long the kiss was and she kept looking over at MBear to see if he was going to kiss her, he had no desire to kiss her at all.
After a while of kissing and being touched by Beauty and MBear, I was really wanting to get out of the party for the time being and do something fun. So I suggested the four of us leave and go back to their hotel room for a bit of fun. I wanted to make it a surprise for Kitten so as soon as she got into my car, I blindfolded her and tied her hands together in front of her. She had no idea that we were going to meet up with the other two, it was going to be a surprise. Plus I had no idea what was going to happen once we had gotten there.
We got to the hotel around the same time. I was directed, not verbally but by a gesture that I was just to stand by the car and wait for either of them to come outside and get us. Beauty walked up to me and stood extremely close to me, I could smell her shampoo, wow it sure smelled wonderful. She kissed me, and opened my blouse as to expose my breasts almost to the point of showing off my nipples. She grabbed the rope that I had in my hands that was tied around Kitten's hands. She directed me to stay right where I was standing, and she guided Kitten into the room. I waited for a while, standing in the open night air. Suddenly I see MBear walking outside towards me. He kissed me on the cheek and placed a pair of handcuffs around my wrists and attached a chain to it. He escorted me into the room. I noticed on the bed was a vast array of whips and dildos and vibrators and floggers and such. He knew that it was one thing I have really wanted and he was going to give it to me one way or the other. Also in the room was Kitten tied to a chair in the corner of the room, and Beauty was undressed from the waist up and sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs spread apart and tied to the bottom of the bed. He directed me to lay down on the bed with my head in Beauty's lap, after I was to get undressed. MBear grabbed a small flogger and proceeded to use it on me, occasionally using it on Beauty. He started to go over and use it on Kitten, but realized that it was not the right time. He wanted to get to using the bigger flogger on me before I
He did this for quiet a bit, switching between the different floggers and paddles. He looked over at Kitten and noticed she was squirming in her seat waiting for what she thought was going to be her turn. He walks over and removes her blindfold, she looked up at him and noticed he still had on his mask, and so does Beauty but mine was removed. Kitten tries to see who they are behind the masks. After a little while of playing with Beauty and myself, Kitten speaks up and asks if she was ever going to get a turn. He looks at her and shakes his head as if to say no and continues with what he was doing.
Kitten starts to whine and squirm even more, that is when he tells her to close her eyes and he removes his mask and the mask Beauty is wearing. Then directs Kitten to reopen her eyes and she is not to close them until he says so.When she does open her eyes she noticed who all was in the room, and she starts to cry.
MBear, Beauty and I play for what seems like 5 hours, touching, kissing, licking, spanking and screwing each other and listening to her cry and whine and beg.
Then I suddenly got woken up from my dream.
What do you think it meant for me to have her in that situation? What do you think it meant to have them in my dream? I look forward to find out...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
OK I know I have been bad
Okay so it has been a week since I went on vacation, back home, to see the man I truly love. I asked him to marry me within the first hour of the visit. Then he asked me. We both exchanged rings, it really was sweet. The one thing I truly loved about his moment was the "signs" I had received from my dad. For about a month before the trip, I had been trying to get a sign my from my dad (who even though has been passed away for almost 5 years still has a big say in my life), and I finally got not just one but two signs. They are something special to me that I would rather not share with everyone but I will tell you this they are two VERY BIG signs.
Then after that we really didn't do much but then again we did. I got to go to my first MMA fight. I was pretty excited about that. I am hooked! But it really should be in person to truly enjoy it. I had a really good time being with the man I love, his daughter and his brother.
Then the next day we went and just drove around for a little bit, wanted to go to the cemetery, wanted to go to the festival that was going on but I guess it wasn't meant to be for us to go to that at that particular time. We went to see his best friends son's football game. That was fun. Went to the festival that night. But before that I finally got to meet then son of the man I truly love. That was great, even though it was really a short meeting. I wanted to get to know him more, maybe some other time.
Well then that Sunday came really fast. We went to meet up with his best friend and family for a little while. Then we went to the airport. Well they over booked the flight and so I had to go on standby. We sat in the waiting area for a few minutes and that was the hardest time of it all, because I just didn't want to go and he didn't want to let me go, at least that is the impression I got from the tone in his voice.
Didn't get to make the flight, had to stay at his best friends house. That was nice but then again it was hard because my love was so close and yet so far away.
It has now been exactly one week since I have seen him and it has been the longest week in the history of the world. I miss him so much and I have realized that I just don't belong here. How can I just tell my children that I am going to leave and I will always be here for them? They just don't understand how I feel and how I have felt for a very long time. All they see is that their parents live in the same house and fight over every little thing in the world.
Long story short... I got a very nice promise ring, I gave a very nice promise ring, I got to meet some people, I got to see a fight and a game, I got to enjoy the smells and sounds and sites of my home town again... and I fell in love over again.
Then after that we really didn't do much but then again we did. I got to go to my first MMA fight. I was pretty excited about that. I am hooked! But it really should be in person to truly enjoy it. I had a really good time being with the man I love, his daughter and his brother.
Then the next day we went and just drove around for a little bit, wanted to go to the cemetery, wanted to go to the festival that was going on but I guess it wasn't meant to be for us to go to that at that particular time. We went to see his best friends son's football game. That was fun. Went to the festival that night. But before that I finally got to meet then son of the man I truly love. That was great, even though it was really a short meeting. I wanted to get to know him more, maybe some other time.
Well then that Sunday came really fast. We went to meet up with his best friend and family for a little while. Then we went to the airport. Well they over booked the flight and so I had to go on standby. We sat in the waiting area for a few minutes and that was the hardest time of it all, because I just didn't want to go and he didn't want to let me go, at least that is the impression I got from the tone in his voice.
Didn't get to make the flight, had to stay at his best friends house. That was nice but then again it was hard because my love was so close and yet so far away.
It has now been exactly one week since I have seen him and it has been the longest week in the history of the world. I miss him so much and I have realized that I just don't belong here. How can I just tell my children that I am going to leave and I will always be here for them? They just don't understand how I feel and how I have felt for a very long time. All they see is that their parents live in the same house and fight over every little thing in the world.
Long story short... I got a very nice promise ring, I gave a very nice promise ring, I got to meet some people, I got to see a fight and a game, I got to enjoy the smells and sounds and sites of my home town again... and I fell in love over again.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Day of High Emotions
I know I haven't written in a few days but nothing has been worth writing about until today.
I have had nothing but up and deep down emotions running through me all day today. It started off with when the man that I love told me that his daughter has turned on him and has moved back in with her mother because her mother has money and he can only provide a roof, food, electricity, water and loads and loads of love. He would do anything for her and she doesn't see that at all. All she sees is that her mother can and has bought the love of the daughter that she once had placed a restraining order against her one and only daughter to come within 25 feet of their house. And his daughter seems to forget who was there to pick up the pieces when her mother told her daughter that she hated her and didn't want to have anything to do with her.
Then not too long after that I spoke to the man I love and he was talking to some girl he works with and he was being passionate about something they were discussing and he actually said out loud that he is, "A SINGLE hetrosexual man and didn't really care to watch certain t.v. shows." A SINGLE man? A single man!?!?! It just wounded me pretty badly.
THEN! I was watching one of my favorite television shows and it was about this child who's father had a heart attack and it put him into a coma. The child was having a very hard time dealing with it. Well my father died 4 1/2 years ago. I didn't get to say anything to him "good-bye" is not my favorite word. I absolutely HATE it! So I was having a very hard time watching the show because the child was given the chance to say things to his father that i wished I could have said to mine.... while he could still hear them. I miss him terribly.
NOW... i am having an argument with a friend about how she drinks to deal with the pains in her life... her future potential Master giving her a hard time... her previous Master still having an affect on her daily activities and how much she still cares for him... and how she is having problems with her children and she doesn't want to listen to the ONE friend that is telling her like it is and to get not only the child but the rest of her family the help that they all need... And I swear if she says "sorry" to me one more time I am going to let her have it with both barrels, no holds bared!
I have had nothing but up and deep down emotions running through me all day today. It started off with when the man that I love told me that his daughter has turned on him and has moved back in with her mother because her mother has money and he can only provide a roof, food, electricity, water and loads and loads of love. He would do anything for her and she doesn't see that at all. All she sees is that her mother can and has bought the love of the daughter that she once had placed a restraining order against her one and only daughter to come within 25 feet of their house. And his daughter seems to forget who was there to pick up the pieces when her mother told her daughter that she hated her and didn't want to have anything to do with her.
Then not too long after that I spoke to the man I love and he was talking to some girl he works with and he was being passionate about something they were discussing and he actually said out loud that he is, "A SINGLE hetrosexual man and didn't really care to watch certain t.v. shows." A SINGLE man? A single man!?!?! It just wounded me pretty badly.
THEN! I was watching one of my favorite television shows and it was about this child who's father had a heart attack and it put him into a coma. The child was having a very hard time dealing with it. Well my father died 4 1/2 years ago. I didn't get to say anything to him "good-bye" is not my favorite word. I absolutely HATE it! So I was having a very hard time watching the show because the child was given the chance to say things to his father that i wished I could have said to mine.... while he could still hear them. I miss him terribly.
NOW... i am having an argument with a friend about how she drinks to deal with the pains in her life... her future potential Master giving her a hard time... her previous Master still having an affect on her daily activities and how much she still cares for him... and how she is having problems with her children and she doesn't want to listen to the ONE friend that is telling her like it is and to get not only the child but the rest of her family the help that they all need... And I swear if she says "sorry" to me one more time I am going to let her have it with both barrels, no holds bared!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
A Very Nice Day
Today was a very good day. I had a good day at work. I filled out the application for the position that I was offered. I found out that the girl that I replaced was coming back to take my place. I know I probably shouldn't care but I can't help but think she had something to do with it. So I have to look at moving into this newly created job position as a good time and good work experience. I only hope that she doesn't make me look bad about the job I have been doing these past few months. I am sure that she will do some of that but I just can't care, because I know she will be doing it to make herself look better.
On another note, I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore my new friends. Both of them have been honest, faithful, caring, NON-judgmental, fun, and I am grateful to have them in my life. I just wish the other people(two in particular) could just see how they are in my eyes. It just makes me crazy to hear how others talk to them, upset them and/or disrespect them. I want to just take the others and just slap them into reality and tell them how much they are hurting my friends.
Well it is one week until I go on my trip. I am very nervous and very excited in the same breathe. I am sure that all of my worries will eventually be subsided but there is one GIANT fear that I hope to be proven wrong.
Anyway, I had a pretty good day today.
On another note, I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore my new friends. Both of them have been honest, faithful, caring, NON-judgmental, fun, and I am grateful to have them in my life. I just wish the other people(two in particular) could just see how they are in my eyes. It just makes me crazy to hear how others talk to them, upset them and/or disrespect them. I want to just take the others and just slap them into reality and tell them how much they are hurting my friends.
Well it is one week until I go on my trip. I am very nervous and very excited in the same breathe. I am sure that all of my worries will eventually be subsided but there is one GIANT fear that I hope to be proven wrong.
Anyway, I had a pretty good day today.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
A Promise
Tonight I finally wrote my promise out, to the man I love and want to grow older with. It is a bit long, and maybe a bit corny but it comes straight from the heart. I want to share it with someone, to get their opinion, but unfortunately she is sleeping right now. Her opinion means a lot to me and I can't wait to hear what she thinks. I am going to email it to her as soon as I am done with my blog.
The last few days, I have been really down on myself. I can't explain why except for the fact that I just don't feel like a good person. Like I am not worthy of many many many things. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life and not having any kind of love returned to me.
How do I change it? I don't know. When will it change? I can only hope that my trip is the one thing that will help me change my outlook on life.
The last few days, I have been really down on myself. I can't explain why except for the fact that I just don't feel like a good person. Like I am not worthy of many many many things. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life and not having any kind of love returned to me.
How do I change it? I don't know. When will it change? I can only hope that my trip is the one thing that will help me change my outlook on life.
Monday, September 27, 2010
A Week Gone By
Well a week has gone by and let me fill you in on what has been going on in my life...
Wednesday was nothing exciting. No really... i have been trying to figure out where I belong in the world and what my meaning is on this earth and so far I have not come up with an idea or an answer. I try and try and try to get people to understand how i feel and what it is I am wanting answers for.
Who am I? What is my purpose of being here? Is it just to be a mom? What about being a wife? What about being a friend? Am i just supposed to be a slave for the rest of my life? What about my dreams? What about my desires? What about my wishes and wants? Am I supposed to just bow down and allow others to fulfill their dreams, desires, wishes, and wants before i fulfill mine? Well guess what that is how i feel I am supposed to live my life. Make others happy before I am happy. A lot of times I feel like my needs, are either second rate or non-existent. When is it going to be my turn?
So Thursday I found out that there are more and more rumors going on about me changing my job position. I have been told to deny anything and everything about it. I have been even approached by someone that had heard the rumor, and i had to lie to that person and say i didn't know anything about what they were talking about.
Well tonight I did it! i finally broke things off with my potential slave. I found out that she was looking for someone else to be her "daddy". AND she was proud of the fact that she was talking to him and she claims she told me all about talking to him. And i told her that I was tired of being lied to... i told her i am tired of being constantly let down and then I am also constantly tired of hearing the words... "i'm sorry"... half the time I don't know if she really is apologetic or just saying it as if to pat me on the head and shut me up. I am tired of waiting around for her to get over the extremely strong feelings she had for MY Master. she was in love with the man and he was not the only taken Master she has been in love with. I told her it is over and that we are only friends..
Friday night I was not feeling good... I had physical therapy an d it went well but i was getting a terrible headache so I went to bed super early. so work went alright, nothing exciting, then physical therapy, came... he gave me a couple more exercises and then I got tapped you across my back (Like a giant "X" in the middle of my back done by tape.
Saturday came along and it was almost a nice day, I got to sleep late, 0830. Got more of the laundry separated but not started, and just surfed the internet as well as got caught up on some reading. It was nice, even though we went to his parents house. We had fun, we got to watch the football game, college teams, separate and yet equally good teams and we had fun doing it. had a about a bottle of wine to drink and it was really nice to finally let my hair down.
Got home and went straight to bed. I was getting my headache back for some reason and It was going into play full force. I went to bed and eventually i got to talk to my other Master. He was getting excited and was getting me excited about the trip I am going to make in 12 days.
Sunday... aaa hhh Sunday... laundry day, and cleaning house day... blah!! The boys went outside to work in the yard while I sat inside the house, did laundry and did some more surfing on the internet. The boys decided that playing and fixing things in the yard was not their cup of tea so they decided that I was going to make homemade chicken noodle soup. It is not a difficult thing to do. Heck the most difficult thing to do is remember where I put the stupid recipe for the noodles. haha...
Well the soup was done and man was it good!!! I think I had two big bowls full of it. After supper the man I live with decided to make a joke and holler for me to meet him upstairs. he looked at me dead in the face and said, "come here and have dirty sex with me..." he should know that in 20 years of our relationship together, that like does not work for me, when he says it... I don't want to have sex with the man and he can't seem to get that through his thick skull! So I giggled and walked back down stairs. bluck!
Went to bed early so i could be awake to talk to the man I love and it was a very fun conversation. I told him that when I come out there that i wanted to kiss him, and have a long talk with him. That made him really nervous because he didn't know what it meant when I said that. Little does he know that all i wanted to do is just make him a little bit nervous but I will tell you that I accidentally made him a lot nervous.
All in all this past few days, mostly the weekend, I did not get to talk to a couple of friends of mine because they were not home and I was busy as to not being on my chats. I sure did miss them very much, even though I was busy and I know they were busy too. i really enjoy talking to them a lot.
Wednesday was nothing exciting. No really... i have been trying to figure out where I belong in the world and what my meaning is on this earth and so far I have not come up with an idea or an answer. I try and try and try to get people to understand how i feel and what it is I am wanting answers for.
Who am I? What is my purpose of being here? Is it just to be a mom? What about being a wife? What about being a friend? Am i just supposed to be a slave for the rest of my life? What about my dreams? What about my desires? What about my wishes and wants? Am I supposed to just bow down and allow others to fulfill their dreams, desires, wishes, and wants before i fulfill mine? Well guess what that is how i feel I am supposed to live my life. Make others happy before I am happy. A lot of times I feel like my needs, are either second rate or non-existent. When is it going to be my turn?
So Thursday I found out that there are more and more rumors going on about me changing my job position. I have been told to deny anything and everything about it. I have been even approached by someone that had heard the rumor, and i had to lie to that person and say i didn't know anything about what they were talking about.
Well tonight I did it! i finally broke things off with my potential slave. I found out that she was looking for someone else to be her "daddy". AND she was proud of the fact that she was talking to him and she claims she told me all about talking to him. And i told her that I was tired of being lied to... i told her i am tired of being constantly let down and then I am also constantly tired of hearing the words... "i'm sorry"... half the time I don't know if she really is apologetic or just saying it as if to pat me on the head and shut me up. I am tired of waiting around for her to get over the extremely strong feelings she had for MY Master. she was in love with the man and he was not the only taken Master she has been in love with. I told her it is over and that we are only friends..
Friday night I was not feeling good... I had physical therapy an d it went well but i was getting a terrible headache so I went to bed super early. so work went alright, nothing exciting, then physical therapy, came... he gave me a couple more exercises and then I got tapped you across my back (Like a giant "X" in the middle of my back done by tape.
Saturday came along and it was almost a nice day, I got to sleep late, 0830. Got more of the laundry separated but not started, and just surfed the internet as well as got caught up on some reading. It was nice, even though we went to his parents house. We had fun, we got to watch the football game, college teams, separate and yet equally good teams and we had fun doing it. had a about a bottle of wine to drink and it was really nice to finally let my hair down.
Got home and went straight to bed. I was getting my headache back for some reason and It was going into play full force. I went to bed and eventually i got to talk to my other Master. He was getting excited and was getting me excited about the trip I am going to make in 12 days.
Sunday... aaa hhh Sunday... laundry day, and cleaning house day... blah!! The boys went outside to work in the yard while I sat inside the house, did laundry and did some more surfing on the internet. The boys decided that playing and fixing things in the yard was not their cup of tea so they decided that I was going to make homemade chicken noodle soup. It is not a difficult thing to do. Heck the most difficult thing to do is remember where I put the stupid recipe for the noodles. haha...
Well the soup was done and man was it good!!! I think I had two big bowls full of it. After supper the man I live with decided to make a joke and holler for me to meet him upstairs. he looked at me dead in the face and said, "come here and have dirty sex with me..." he should know that in 20 years of our relationship together, that like does not work for me, when he says it... I don't want to have sex with the man and he can't seem to get that through his thick skull! So I giggled and walked back down stairs. bluck!
Went to bed early so i could be awake to talk to the man I love and it was a very fun conversation. I told him that when I come out there that i wanted to kiss him, and have a long talk with him. That made him really nervous because he didn't know what it meant when I said that. Little does he know that all i wanted to do is just make him a little bit nervous but I will tell you that I accidentally made him a lot nervous.
All in all this past few days, mostly the weekend, I did not get to talk to a couple of friends of mine because they were not home and I was busy as to not being on my chats. I sure did miss them very much, even though I was busy and I know they were busy too. i really enjoy talking to them a lot.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Bad Mental Day
Today, all day, I have been having a bad mental day. i have been really trying to find a way to dig myself out of this huge hole I am in and I can not find a way to get myself out of it. Someone that I have barely known but only what seems like a couple of short months asked me today if I was alright, that he could tell there is something wrong with me, and we haven't even ever seen each other or spoken to each other in weeks. He said he could tell there was something wrong just by the way I was typing something. Then the girl that I am supposed to be "girlfriends" with, gives up on me and just says that we are no longer girlfriends and that we are just friends. She was talking to me and I was just getting to the part where I was going to open up to her and she freakin' turned it on about her being a slave and slaves don't have the right to force themselves upon someone. It ended up being about HER!!! Can't she just be a friend for 5 minutes? Why does it have to ALWAYS be about being a slave and a Dom? Why can't it ever just be about friendship? Did she even bother to ask if there was something wrong with me? Did she stick her neck out to say, I have noticed you have been quiet distant, is everything alright? NO! Instead what do I get? As a slave..... blah blah blah!
On another note, I was given the grand privilege of getting to share some pictures a couple of friends took today. They were very gorgeous! The colors of the butterflies and flowers were spectacular and vibrant. Then at the end they showed me a couple of pictures that looked like they were taken at dusk, the shape of the clouds you could see a butterfly. That made me tear up a little bit.i am so greatful that they shared their pictures with me.
16 days and counting until I get to go on my vacation. I hope i have as much fun as I anticipate I will.
On another note, I was given the grand privilege of getting to share some pictures a couple of friends took today. They were very gorgeous! The colors of the butterflies and flowers were spectacular and vibrant. Then at the end they showed me a couple of pictures that looked like they were taken at dusk, the shape of the clouds you could see a butterfly. That made me tear up a little bit.i am so greatful that they shared their pictures with me.
16 days and counting until I get to go on my vacation. I hope i have as much fun as I anticipate I will.
Monday, September 20, 2010
More Explainations
Today I had to make the decision on taking the other job that was offered to me last Friday. This job that i am speaking of is moving from being the Production Administration Assistant, but being the Inventory Administrative Assistant. I was told by my boss that it was completely up to me. Let me start over...
Okay.. here is the situation. I had just started working at Levi about 9 months ago working as the Production Admin Asst. Last Friday they offered me the job of Inventory Admin Assist for the entire building. Apparently, the supervisor and coordinator are knee deep in paperwork, so much so that they are unable to concentrate on their own jobs. So apparently my boss and the general manager of the plant, thinks that I would be a good fit in Inventory. I was given until today, Monday, to decide. Well I had a couple of questions but all in all I think that it was going to be a good thing for me, lots of more experience and more for the resume ya know. Anyway, long story semi short, I found out that my boss and the general manager proposed an offer to the girl that I replaced. She claims that it wasn't for my job, which I tend to believe her. My issues was do i take the job offer or do I stay where I am at.
I thought about it and I am going to go ahead and take the Inventory job. The inventory supervisor, Nancy, called me this morning and we had a long chat about how she heard the girl I replaced. Beth, was offered the job and how Nancy didn't really want Beth in that position because Beth seemed to be a bit of a snob and really would only do as little work as she could however comma she was considered "Superwoman" at what she did. Big shoes to follow, which made it really a difficult thing to do. I know I am one hell of an assistant but when it seems like all i do is try and prove myself.
What do you think?
Okay.. here is the situation. I had just started working at Levi about 9 months ago working as the Production Admin Asst. Last Friday they offered me the job of Inventory Admin Assist for the entire building. Apparently, the supervisor and coordinator are knee deep in paperwork, so much so that they are unable to concentrate on their own jobs. So apparently my boss and the general manager of the plant, thinks that I would be a good fit in Inventory. I was given until today, Monday, to decide. Well I had a couple of questions but all in all I think that it was going to be a good thing for me, lots of more experience and more for the resume ya know. Anyway, long story semi short, I found out that my boss and the general manager proposed an offer to the girl that I replaced. She claims that it wasn't for my job, which I tend to believe her. My issues was do i take the job offer or do I stay where I am at.
I thought about it and I am going to go ahead and take the Inventory job. The inventory supervisor, Nancy, called me this morning and we had a long chat about how she heard the girl I replaced. Beth, was offered the job and how Nancy didn't really want Beth in that position because Beth seemed to be a bit of a snob and really would only do as little work as she could however comma she was considered "Superwoman" at what she did. Big shoes to follow, which made it really a difficult thing to do. I know I am one hell of an assistant but when it seems like all i do is try and prove myself.
What do you think?
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Time to Get Caught Up
Well where do I begin. I would first like to apologize to those that have been reading this, I have had a lot on my mind since the last entry and i know it probably would have been better to "talk" it out, however comma I have been doing just the opposite and tucking away in my shell. I don't know I am doing it until I am told I am doing it so I apologize.
Now What happened? I got offered another job, within the company that I work for. I would like to take this bot but what really bothers me is that the girl that I replaced came in and on the sly, talked to my boss and from what I understand she asked for her job back. I like my job. I like where I am at right now, however I like the idea of learning something new and being a part of a new crew (so to speak), but I don't like the idea that she has just walked right in and basically stabbing me in the back and taking my job. I know i can do the new job very easily. It just makes me feel like I am not doing a good enough job, if she can just come in like that and ask for her job like that. Does that make sense? I hope so.
Then there was yesterday.... yesterday... wow yesterday... I saw a side of the man I live with in a whole new light. He really showed me how much of a double standard kind of guy he really is. He does not see it that way, I am sure, but it sure was double standard. Without going into too many details, let's just say, he had better not complain of pain any more, or complain about me complaining about pains and not wanting to go to the doctors.
Today was a different story. It was actually a good day. I will not say great because the man I live with kept trying to pick fights with me most of the day, until we got to our final destination, the Renissance Fair. I had a good time, there were a couple of things I would have liked to purchase but I am sure I can purchase them somewhere else in town. I hope. But I was able to get a black lace parasol. I am very happy about that. Now I have a white one and a black one. The most difficult part of it all was the fact that I was with the cheapest man alive and that was going to kill me and our son, but I just sucked it up after I got my parasol. That was the main reason I wanted to go anyway.
So now you are caught up with me. I understand that this is the abridged version, but I have been told that I have a tendancy to ramble/babble and that isn't a good thing.
Hope you are all having a good day!
xoxo
Now What happened? I got offered another job, within the company that I work for. I would like to take this bot but what really bothers me is that the girl that I replaced came in and on the sly, talked to my boss and from what I understand she asked for her job back. I like my job. I like where I am at right now, however I like the idea of learning something new and being a part of a new crew (so to speak), but I don't like the idea that she has just walked right in and basically stabbing me in the back and taking my job. I know i can do the new job very easily. It just makes me feel like I am not doing a good enough job, if she can just come in like that and ask for her job like that. Does that make sense? I hope so.
Then there was yesterday.... yesterday... wow yesterday... I saw a side of the man I live with in a whole new light. He really showed me how much of a double standard kind of guy he really is. He does not see it that way, I am sure, but it sure was double standard. Without going into too many details, let's just say, he had better not complain of pain any more, or complain about me complaining about pains and not wanting to go to the doctors.
Today was a different story. It was actually a good day. I will not say great because the man I live with kept trying to pick fights with me most of the day, until we got to our final destination, the Renissance Fair. I had a good time, there were a couple of things I would have liked to purchase but I am sure I can purchase them somewhere else in town. I hope. But I was able to get a black lace parasol. I am very happy about that. Now I have a white one and a black one. The most difficult part of it all was the fact that I was with the cheapest man alive and that was going to kill me and our son, but I just sucked it up after I got my parasol. That was the main reason I wanted to go anyway.
So now you are caught up with me. I understand that this is the abridged version, but I have been told that I have a tendancy to ramble/babble and that isn't a good thing.
Hope you are all having a good day!
xoxo
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Things that I Miss
Today I was very busy at work. Which is something that I absolutely love, as much as I may complain about it, I still love it. I would much rather be busy then bored. Sometimes, like today, I created work for myself. And let me tell you, it was fun, because I not only got to tell some people off, in my own "nice" way.
Tonight, while sitting on the couch (while trying to forget about the pain I am in), thinking about the things that I miss in my life. I miss true friendship. I had a friend in high school, that I know I would love to have her closer to me. I never really had one since. I have had one friend since then but her and I keep loosing touch with each other.
Tonight, while sitting on the couch (while trying to forget about the pain I am in), thinking about the things that I miss in my life. I miss true friendship. I had a friend in high school, that I know I would love to have her closer to me. I never really had one since. I have had one friend since then but her and I keep loosing touch with each other.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Worst Pain in a While
Today I have experienced the worst pain I have had in a very very long time. Not only was it in my shoulder, but in my side as well. I have a thing called I/C or better known as painful bladder syndrome. I had to have some of the nerves around my bladder deadened and now I will be on medication for the rest of my life. This also comes with a new life change for my diet as well. I am not supposed to have ANY caffeine (meaning coffee of any kind or soda pop of any kind) or chocolate or even alcohol to a degree. There are quiet a few other things that i am supposed to avoid, like most tomato based sauces, white onions, things like that. Well needless to say I had a slice of pizza last night and it had all of the things I am supposed to avoid on it. I know it was a bad thing but I have been doing so well I wanted to give it a try. WOW! I won't be doing that again.
Other then that I am once again frustrated with my friend. I am no longer going to call her my potential pet. She just keeps ticking me off so much that it really makes me want to just stay just friends with her. Now she is telling me that a co-worker is wanting to throw a party this weekend and she is thinking about going. Now the clinchers... #1. The co-worker is a bit younger then she is; #2. She is married; #3. She claims that her husband ASSUMES he is invited; #4. The party is at a hotel.
She has so much potential to save her marriage but she does not seem to want to and that just makes me so angry. All she keeps saying is "I am sorry for letting you down"... " I am sorry"... "I am sorry for disappointing you". That just chaps my backside when she says that anymore. It is hard to tell if she is telling me this to just shut me up or if she really means it.
New topic..... It is only 21 1/2 days before I am on my trip. I have only a few things that I really want to and have to do... I want to go to a special park, I have to go visit the cemetery my grandparents are buried in, I have to go to the see the hot air balloons, and i would like to go and see a girlfriend, even if it is for lunch or drinks. Those are the only things that I truly want to do while I am there. I do need to go and do a little shopping, but I know I can do that while I am at the fiesta. But the one thing that I truly want to do is just touch and hold and kiss the one man that I have held a special place in my heart and loved from a far since I was 17 years old. THAT I can't wait for.
Other then that I am once again frustrated with my friend. I am no longer going to call her my potential pet. She just keeps ticking me off so much that it really makes me want to just stay just friends with her. Now she is telling me that a co-worker is wanting to throw a party this weekend and she is thinking about going. Now the clinchers... #1. The co-worker is a bit younger then she is; #2. She is married; #3. She claims that her husband ASSUMES he is invited; #4. The party is at a hotel.
She has so much potential to save her marriage but she does not seem to want to and that just makes me so angry. All she keeps saying is "I am sorry for letting you down"... " I am sorry"... "I am sorry for disappointing you". That just chaps my backside when she says that anymore. It is hard to tell if she is telling me this to just shut me up or if she really means it.
New topic..... It is only 21 1/2 days before I am on my trip. I have only a few things that I really want to and have to do... I want to go to a special park, I have to go visit the cemetery my grandparents are buried in, I have to go to the see the hot air balloons, and i would like to go and see a girlfriend, even if it is for lunch or drinks. Those are the only things that I truly want to do while I am there. I do need to go and do a little shopping, but I know I can do that while I am at the fiesta. But the one thing that I truly want to do is just touch and hold and kiss the one man that I have held a special place in my heart and loved from a far since I was 17 years old. THAT I can't wait for.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Getting Caught Up
Today was a good day at work. I had to do a bunch of work but it was good productive work. Which I like.
Then this evening, I got to get caught up with my mom. We got to caught up about my grandmother, who is living with her. And she is making my mom crazy. My grama will not leave the house and it is making my mom crazy. I don't understand why she won't leave, she is still able to get around, sometimes with the assistance of someone else. She has been this way since my grampa passed away. I think it is fear of the unknown of what is going to happen. My grama gets really upset when my mom has to do run some errands, so what happens is when my mom has to go out for something, not only does she call my grama, but I have to call her as well. I don't mind, i just want to see my grama happy and she doesn't seem to be happy cooped up.
Then my mom and I talked about sex and how much we both miss it and how we have survived all these years with having such bad sex, that once we have both found someone that has given us great/fabulous/innovative/imaginative/fabulous/wonderful/actual orgasmic sex, that neither one of us wants to go back. (BTW... my dad passed away 4 1/2 yrs ago.)
Anyway, I spoke to my eventually maybe never potential pet tonight and I really didn't feel like it but I figured that I had better or she is going to bug others and find out why I was being the way i was being. I was closed off and short answered with her. I am just afraid that if I am not then the drama in her life (or the drama that she imagines up) will come to the surface and then come into my life. I do not want that nor do i need it. I am finally getting to a place where I was before she was in my life and I was actually happier then. I want that happiness again. Is that too much to ask?
Then this evening, I got to get caught up with my mom. We got to caught up about my grandmother, who is living with her. And she is making my mom crazy. My grama will not leave the house and it is making my mom crazy. I don't understand why she won't leave, she is still able to get around, sometimes with the assistance of someone else. She has been this way since my grampa passed away. I think it is fear of the unknown of what is going to happen. My grama gets really upset when my mom has to do run some errands, so what happens is when my mom has to go out for something, not only does she call my grama, but I have to call her as well. I don't mind, i just want to see my grama happy and she doesn't seem to be happy cooped up.
Then my mom and I talked about sex and how much we both miss it and how we have survived all these years with having such bad sex, that once we have both found someone that has given us great/fabulous/innovative/imaginative/fabulous/wonderful/actual orgasmic sex, that neither one of us wants to go back. (BTW... my dad passed away 4 1/2 yrs ago.)
Anyway, I spoke to my eventually maybe never potential pet tonight and I really didn't feel like it but I figured that I had better or she is going to bug others and find out why I was being the way i was being. I was closed off and short answered with her. I am just afraid that if I am not then the drama in her life (or the drama that she imagines up) will come to the surface and then come into my life. I do not want that nor do i need it. I am finally getting to a place where I was before she was in my life and I was actually happier then. I want that happiness again. Is that too much to ask?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
3 weeks
Well it has been 3 weeks and what a ride. The last three weeks has been a wonderful time. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was thinking there was going to be a few more frustrations and yet there were only a couple, at least on my part, times that were frustrating but it was only on my part. I know that did not make any sense what so ever, but I also can not and won't speak for any of the other parties involved in the last 3 weeks. I just hope that I did not disappoint anyone, as much as I disappointed myself.
Today was a typical Sunday. I did laundry, I cleaned up a little bit but the most fun thing is I got to paint. I am working on a couple of books that are about me. One is titled, "I Am"... the pages are all things that I am... creative, a dreamer, lover of nature, full of hope, love, faith and happiness... things like that. That one I finished. The new one is titled, "My favorite things are..." . I am planning on putting in the book pages like, "love of animals (stuffed and real), food, shoes, wine, and crafting (scrap~booking, crocheting, knitting, sewing, etc). Those are just a few things I am going to put in this book. I can't wait to finish it so I can show it off.
Today was a typical Sunday. I did laundry, I cleaned up a little bit but the most fun thing is I got to paint. I am working on a couple of books that are about me. One is titled, "I Am"... the pages are all things that I am... creative, a dreamer, lover of nature, full of hope, love, faith and happiness... things like that. That one I finished. The new one is titled, "My favorite things are..." . I am planning on putting in the book pages like, "love of animals (stuffed and real), food, shoes, wine, and crafting (scrap~booking, crocheting, knitting, sewing, etc). Those are just a few things I am going to put in this book. I can't wait to finish it so I can show it off.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Last Day Task
Today I had a task that kept me inspired all day. I was told to take a picture at least one hour from the moment I woke up until the time I went to bed. Well I am laying in bed now and so I suppose I am done with my pictures. Of course I was over analyzing everything I took a picture of. I just hope they are liked as much as I like them. I know I could have taken more but shoulda, woulda, coulda.. ya know?
On another up side, I was able to see my oldest son and how his apartment/dorm room is turning out. It is really coming together and i am happy about that. I would have liked to have it look a bit more home like but he is only 20 and I can't keep tabs on him forever. Even though I would love to just take him and tuck him away, I know I have to let him grow up.
On another note, I got hollered at while I was in a major shopping store. OOOHHH That was fun. I just enjoy getting hollered at and embarrassed while in public. I told the man I was with was being a little to bossy and a lot frugal for anyone's good. It was getting annoying, especially the way he was saying it... "Cheap!. We have to go cheap!... This one is $13 but this is $10. That one is how much??" I understand $3 can add up once in a while but dang! If the $13 one is the better product then let's get the $13 one... THEN when we were leaving said store, we needed to cross the road to get to our car, some cars would not stop, then when one car stopped (but not soon enough for him) he pushed me out of the way and then took the other end of the shopping cart and pulled it and me in a huff and hollered "Let's go. I can't believe that no one would stop! There is a stop sign for Christ's sake!" What a jerk!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day... Not much happening tomorrow... just the usual Sunday routine... Going to do laundry, and clean my room. On the up side... my oldest child is going to come and visit and pick up some stuff for his apartment/dorm room. YEAH!
On another up side, I was able to see my oldest son and how his apartment/dorm room is turning out. It is really coming together and i am happy about that. I would have liked to have it look a bit more home like but he is only 20 and I can't keep tabs on him forever. Even though I would love to just take him and tuck him away, I know I have to let him grow up.
On another note, I got hollered at while I was in a major shopping store. OOOHHH That was fun. I just enjoy getting hollered at and embarrassed while in public. I told the man I was with was being a little to bossy and a lot frugal for anyone's good. It was getting annoying, especially the way he was saying it... "Cheap!. We have to go cheap!... This one is $13 but this is $10. That one is how much??" I understand $3 can add up once in a while but dang! If the $13 one is the better product then let's get the $13 one... THEN when we were leaving said store, we needed to cross the road to get to our car, some cars would not stop, then when one car stopped (but not soon enough for him) he pushed me out of the way and then took the other end of the shopping cart and pulled it and me in a huff and hollered "Let's go. I can't believe that no one would stop! There is a stop sign for Christ's sake!" What a jerk!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day... Not much happening tomorrow... just the usual Sunday routine... Going to do laundry, and clean my room. On the up side... my oldest child is going to come and visit and pick up some stuff for his apartment/dorm room. YEAH!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Depression
Tonight, I am a bit depressed. I am feeling very lonely tonight. I haven't done much today... After work I was given a ride home, then I was picked back up to go get my vehicle from the mechanical shop, then went to the grocery store, then ate supper. After that we ate supper, i went up stairs to my room and tried to craft. I started to but i just wasn't in the mood. So I turned on my computer, talked to a good friend, and watched a couple of episodes of my favorite sci-fi show and organized my ribbon. RIBBON!!! I organized ribbon!!! How pathetic is that? Talk about depression and loneliness!!!
I finally get to talk to the man I love. I was hoping for a little reassurance that all is going to be well and that I would get to talk to him later. But all I got was have you heard from your potential pet... HAVE I HEARD FROM MY POTENTIAL PET?!?!?!?!?!!? WTH!!! I am not really wanting to hear from her until she has actually proven to me that she wants to be my pet... All she keeps doing is telling me things like she has a guy that she works with that want HER to be HIS Mistress... things like she has figured out why and what kind of love she has for the man I am in love with. I don't understand it at all! Maybe I am not meant to understand. Maybe I am not supposed to understand it at all.
I finally get to talk to the man I love. I was hoping for a little reassurance that all is going to be well and that I would get to talk to him later. But all I got was have you heard from your potential pet... HAVE I HEARD FROM MY POTENTIAL PET?!?!?!?!?!!? WTH!!! I am not really wanting to hear from her until she has actually proven to me that she wants to be my pet... All she keeps doing is telling me things like she has a guy that she works with that want HER to be HIS Mistress... things like she has figured out why and what kind of love she has for the man I am in love with. I don't understand it at all! Maybe I am not meant to understand. Maybe I am not supposed to understand it at all.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Sharing
Tonight I was privileged enough to have some pictures shared with me. The are such beautiful pictures. i wish I had the eye to do that. I am see such beautiful things around me and at times, i wish I did have my camera with me, but I never do and just when I start to carry it with me I forget to stop and enjoy my surroundings.
I also shared some of my favorite pictures with him. I hope he saw the beauty in those pictures that I did.
One of these days I will be able to be that talented.
On another note, I was chatting with my potential pet, and let me just tell you, she had me so frustrated that I was about to end not only the pet part of it but I was about to end our friendship as well. She had me doing something that i do not like to do... holler and curse... that is something that just does not sit well with me...
i am at a loss with her. She wants me to "defend her honor" and tell her that I will protect her from whatever upsets her, but I don't know how much more I can tell her. I have come right out and told her that I am going to try my best to protect her, that I will defend her when i feel she needs to be defended, but she has also told me things that I find so hard to believe that I don't know what to do or what to believe. Maybe one of these days she will be able to explain things to me.. but who knows maybe that one day may be too late. Guess only time will tell.
I also shared some of my favorite pictures with him. I hope he saw the beauty in those pictures that I did.
One of these days I will be able to be that talented.
On another note, I was chatting with my potential pet, and let me just tell you, she had me so frustrated that I was about to end not only the pet part of it but I was about to end our friendship as well. She had me doing something that i do not like to do... holler and curse... that is something that just does not sit well with me...
i am at a loss with her. She wants me to "defend her honor" and tell her that I will protect her from whatever upsets her, but I don't know how much more I can tell her. I have come right out and told her that I am going to try my best to protect her, that I will defend her when i feel she needs to be defended, but she has also told me things that I find so hard to believe that I don't know what to do or what to believe. Maybe one of these days she will be able to explain things to me.. but who knows maybe that one day may be too late. Guess only time will tell.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Romance... Overrated? I think not
Romance... Is it over rated? Is it something that is over looked these days? No i don't think it is over rated. Yes, I do think it is over looked, well at least in my life lately. I try and try to put romance in my life and it still seems the harder I try the further away it is. I LOVE ROMANCE!!! I love a good sappy movie that I have seen 1000 times and still can make me cry. I love to be given flowers, but not just some store bought flowers. I want some day to have someone pull over to the side of the road, pick a flower, bring it home to me and say, "I was thinking of you on my way home."
Or what about dancing in the rain with the man or woman you love? And not just slow dancing but maybe dancing an old twist.
I am in a romantic mood, heaven only knows why. i don't have anyone close by to share this with.
I had to take some work home tonight and i got it all done in only 2 1/2 hours. It's amazing what you can get done when you are left alone. Now i am done with work and I am almost done with being on the computer for the night...
I hope to talk to the man I have been in love with since I was 16/17 years old. And if you know how old i am that is a heck of a long time. i think I am going to go to bed and dream of having his arms around me while I am entertaining other guests. So this is where I say "ADO!"
Or what about dancing in the rain with the man or woman you love? And not just slow dancing but maybe dancing an old twist.
I am in a romantic mood, heaven only knows why. i don't have anyone close by to share this with.
I had to take some work home tonight and i got it all done in only 2 1/2 hours. It's amazing what you can get done when you are left alone. Now i am done with work and I am almost done with being on the computer for the night...
I hope to talk to the man I have been in love with since I was 16/17 years old. And if you know how old i am that is a heck of a long time. i think I am going to go to bed and dream of having his arms around me while I am entertaining other guests. So this is where I say "ADO!"
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A Day of Mourning
Today is a sad day in my family. Today my dad would have been 58 years old. I can't believe that he would have been 58 today. I can't believe that he has been gone for almost 5 years. I can't believe that my children did not really get the chance to get to know their grandfather and know what kind of great man he really was. Oh sure there were times when he was an S.O.B. to me... but what kid at one point in their lives don't think that about their parents. My main problem is, I told him that, maybe not to his face but over the phone. It was a very bad time in my life and I just felt that he wasn't listening to me. I don't know if he ever knew I didn't truly mean it. Don't you think so? Do you think that he knew that i thought he could truly walk on water and leap tall buildings in a single bound? I sure do miss him! I wish I had 5 more minutes with him. i wish I could have told him how much I loved him and how much I just wanted to be his special little girl. I will never forget the one time he told me he was actually proud of me. He told me that I was a good mother, once. My oldest was about 3 then. I sure do miss him. I wonder if he ever forgave me. I wonder if he ever knew that I forgave him...
I wonder if he ever knew how much I truly love him even to this day...
I wonder if he ever knew how much I truly love him even to this day...
Monday, September 6, 2010
Blah! Blah! Blah!
Blah! That is how I feel about myself and my life today. Blah! I felt like I did not belong inside my own body. Blah! I have felt like I am sitting outside my physical body and was just looking in. Blah! I try and bring myself up but then I get pushed right back down! Blah! All I wanted to do today is just lay in bed and not get dressed nor do anything but watch tv and/or read. Blah!
Today we went to a place called the Levee. It is down by the Ohio River. I absolutely do not like the water at all. I can not put my face in the water even when i am in the shower. So for me to even go near the river was a big step. Did anyone notice that? NO! What happened instead? I was taken by the hand and was escorted to look at the big river paddle boats. THEY ARE ON THE RIVER! I don't even like driving on a bridge over the water and i am taken over to look at them!!! Then I started to back up away from the ledge, even though there is another wall before you even get close to the water, I got made fun of. I am sure that it was out of good humor so I could relax, however i could not get over the fact that the water was RIGHT there.
I know I didn't used to be that way. I used to love to go to the beach. I used to love to go swimming, even though I was not a very strong swimmer. What did me in was when I tried to walk into the ocean and never come out again. Yes I mean I tried to kill myself, so my children had a better life without their crazy mother around them. I am glad I did not succeed. However it is days like today i wonder what i am doing here.
I am sure there is a higher being that has an answer to that, I just wish I could find out what it is....
Don't feel sorry for me. This is how my life is and has been for a very long time... I just can't wait until I am at a point in my life where I can change it.
Today we went to a place called the Levee. It is down by the Ohio River. I absolutely do not like the water at all. I can not put my face in the water even when i am in the shower. So for me to even go near the river was a big step. Did anyone notice that? NO! What happened instead? I was taken by the hand and was escorted to look at the big river paddle boats. THEY ARE ON THE RIVER! I don't even like driving on a bridge over the water and i am taken over to look at them!!! Then I started to back up away from the ledge, even though there is another wall before you even get close to the water, I got made fun of. I am sure that it was out of good humor so I could relax, however i could not get over the fact that the water was RIGHT there.
I know I didn't used to be that way. I used to love to go to the beach. I used to love to go swimming, even though I was not a very strong swimmer. What did me in was when I tried to walk into the ocean and never come out again. Yes I mean I tried to kill myself, so my children had a better life without their crazy mother around them. I am glad I did not succeed. However it is days like today i wonder what i am doing here.
I am sure there is a higher being that has an answer to that, I just wish I could find out what it is....
Don't feel sorry for me. This is how my life is and has been for a very long time... I just can't wait until I am at a point in my life where I can change it.
Lazy Day
Today started off with high hopes that it was going to be a fun filled day of going out and being in public. That lasted as long as about an hourish. Not even that. We drove all the way up to one store and walked around that, then we had to go home because my husband's back was bothering him terribly.
Turned out to be a crappy evening...
Turned out to be a crappy evening...
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Embarrassed and Bored
Today I was doing good, I got laundry done at a decent hour. I was even being good and cleaning my room up so that it didn't look like a tornado had hit it. Then the males in the house came home from fishing, and they decided that they wanted to go and do something. I suggested we go and actually sit down at a restaurant to eat, then we can go anywhere from there. Well we tried this new place, it was very good, but I got embarrassed at that place too. Apparently I am not allowed to speak for myself. Apparently I can't decided what is good for me and what isn't. AND apparently I am not the only one that is to know it.. the others at the table needed to know this information but so does the waitress as well. My husband decided to tell the waitress that I have a condition nicknamed I/C and that I am not allowed to have anything spicy or that has onions in it or any thing with pickles in it. This information is true HOWEVER COMMA is it anyone else's business but mine and MAYBE the people at the table but that is it... But I suppose me being __ __ years old (no i don't want to say it out loud) means that I am unable to think for myself and care for myself.
But what do I know?
Well this evening I was talking to my potential pet on the phone and MAN!!! Was that boring. I don't know if it was beccause I was tired OR because I hardly got a word in edgewise or because I really didn't want to talk to her. Who knows it could be a combination of all three. That is kind of sad but I just was not in the mood to talk to her. It has been quiet a while since I had talked to her so I figured it was only the right thing to do.
But what do I know?
Well this evening I was talking to my potential pet on the phone and MAN!!! Was that boring. I don't know if it was beccause I was tired OR because I hardly got a word in edgewise or because I really didn't want to talk to her. Who knows it could be a combination of all three. That is kind of sad but I just was not in the mood to talk to her. It has been quiet a while since I had talked to her so I figured it was only the right thing to do.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
One too Many
One too many... I haven't said that in a very long time. And now I know why. Actually last night I did. This morning I have a bit of a headache but I will be fine. I just really felt I needed to forget about my sorrow. Drown the dramas out of my head. Of course I should have known that you can't drown out any of the sorrows or the dramas, or pains away. They may all go away for a brief moment but then they are back the next day. This is why i don't drink this much and/or that often. But I did have a good time and had a couple of laughs, that was part of my main goal. I am glad I did go. I was debating on going at all but I am glad I did. I think... NO... I know I will do it again but I will not drink that much again... even at home.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
A Rare Occassion
Today was a very rare day. I was in a good mood for most of the day. I woke up in a good mood, was even dancing in my chair at my desk. But I feel a little guilty about it, just a little mind you. I told someone a fib as to shy I was in a good mood. I didn't want to hurt her feelings and tell her that yes it is because a weight has dropped off my shoulders because of her not giving me any drama about being my sub or slave or whatever it is she may call it.
Then when I make the announcement that I am in a good mood, i get an attitude from her about what is going on between her and her husband. The thing is all i wanted to do is help her with the current and her and eye so even ore say,
Then when I make the announcement that I am in a good mood, i get an attitude from her about what is going on between her and her husband. The thing is all i wanted to do is help her with the current and her and eye so even ore say,
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Where am I going wrong?
It seems like no matter what i say, no matter how i word things, how I feel it always seems to be wrong. I try and try and it doesn't seem like I am getting any further towards the finish line. It is making me question who i am. It makes me question what i am trying to achieve. It makes me question what I am about. It makes me question everything. Where am I going wrong?
Apparently there is a big difference between a slave and a submissive that I am totally clueless about. My potential whatever just clued me in... Want to know what it is she said?
a slaves role is to please their dominant only. thats the only thing a slave will want to do even if they dont like what is happening..... a submissive will want to please themselves as well as a dominant but they dont think of the dominant first there are other distinctions but thats the main one
oh one more thing a slave doesnt have the right to say no but a submissive can say no to anything they dont want to do
So this is my response in how I feel what she said...
so then by what you are saying me, wanting to be the Domme is not supposed to know how to please you. And by me asking you for advice on what and how to please you is wrong. I see... so then it isn't meant to be because I want to know what you like and dislike and your turn ons and yes even your turn offs and what you want and hope to get out of this relationship as well as what you expect to either learn from me or share with me. So I am in the wrong to ask this of you. i apologize for troubling you and i will not ask anything like this or anything at all of you or from you again... please excuse the intrusions.
Where am I going wrong?
All i ever wanted, for as long as i can remember is to be a Domme or Mistress and I knew that it was going to be a difficult thing but it should not be this difficult.
All I want to do now is just give up on my dreams.
Apparently there is a big difference between a slave and a submissive that I am totally clueless about. My potential whatever just clued me in... Want to know what it is she said?
a slaves role is to please their dominant only. thats the only thing a slave will want to do even if they dont like what is happening..... a submissive will want to please themselves as well as a dominant but they dont think of the dominant first there are other distinctions but thats the main one
oh one more thing a slave doesnt have the right to say no but a submissive can say no to anything they dont want to do
So this is my response in how I feel what she said...
so then by what you are saying me, wanting to be the Domme is not supposed to know how to please you. And by me asking you for advice on what and how to please you is wrong. I see... so then it isn't meant to be because I want to know what you like and dislike and your turn ons and yes even your turn offs and what you want and hope to get out of this relationship as well as what you expect to either learn from me or share with me. So I am in the wrong to ask this of you. i apologize for troubling you and i will not ask anything like this or anything at all of you or from you again... please excuse the intrusions.
Where am I going wrong?
All i ever wanted, for as long as i can remember is to be a Domme or Mistress and I knew that it was going to be a difficult thing but it should not be this difficult.
All I want to do now is just give up on my dreams.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL?
Tonight I was speaking to ML and asking him all sorts of questions, I was letting know that I am tired of trying to find out why it is so hard to get my potential slave/sub to submit completely to me. Why is it that she feels more comfortable talking to someone else instead of me? Why does she feel she needs to not trust in me/with me? Why does she feel that her way is the better way and that I am in the wrong?
Well, after asking her those questions it turned around into me not supporting her in an argument she had been having with a mutual friend. And so I really didn't get my answers at that time. So I reworded the questions, still she worked her way around answering the questions I had and turned them around into something that has been bothering her.
Well to make a long story short, ML has forbid me to take her on as a potential sub/pet until her and I can basically hash everything else that seems to keep weighing on our minds. I don't see that happening any time soon. He said he knows I am not happy and that is not what he wants. I am glad he stepped in and said something, but then again I would have liked to give it a try on my own. None~the~less, I feel relieved.
AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL???
On another note, I screwed up last night.. I did not send MC an invitation to my blogs. I did not make sure that the other emails were sent completely. Then I don't know what happened, but on a daily basis I am supposed to send a picture of myself with what I am wearing for the day, well that message did not go through. TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY!!!
With all of the errors that I have done, I have not been scolded like I should have, I have not been punished like I should have.
AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL!!!!!
Well, after asking her those questions it turned around into me not supporting her in an argument she had been having with a mutual friend. And so I really didn't get my answers at that time. So I reworded the questions, still she worked her way around answering the questions I had and turned them around into something that has been bothering her.
Well to make a long story short, ML has forbid me to take her on as a potential sub/pet until her and I can basically hash everything else that seems to keep weighing on our minds. I don't see that happening any time soon. He said he knows I am not happy and that is not what he wants. I am glad he stepped in and said something, but then again I would have liked to give it a try on my own. None~the~less, I feel relieved.
AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL???
On another note, I screwed up last night.. I did not send MC an invitation to my blogs. I did not make sure that the other emails were sent completely. Then I don't know what happened, but on a daily basis I am supposed to send a picture of myself with what I am wearing for the day, well that message did not go through. TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY!!!
With all of the errors that I have done, I have not been scolded like I should have, I have not been punished like I should have.
AREN'T MASTERS WONDERFUL!!!!!
Hard as a Rock
Well if I had a dick it would be hard. Well I should say that it would have been, until I talked to another Master. He said he was proud of me but I needed to really bring it home for my potential pet/slave. Meaning I needed to use more words like now and no and use them sternly.
At first I was really hurt by his words. I did understand what he meant but I was my first real jump of that deep end, it may have been a little step, but all I wanted to hear was that I did a good job, not that I needed to do this that and the other thing. Don't get me wrong I would have asked later on, what he his opinion was on my next step, but I didn't want his opinion right then and there.
I think next time I will just have to tell him not to comment until I ask for it.
However, Master Bear did tell me that he was proud of me and that really means a lot to me. It is with his help and strength that I feel that I can do it and keep moving forward.
I don't think I am going to take the advice of everyone and use all of it. I think I am going to take their advice and put my own twist on it.
If things happen it is going to be a good experience for everyone... key word in that sentence is IF!
At first I was really hurt by his words. I did understand what he meant but I was my first real jump of that deep end, it may have been a little step, but all I wanted to hear was that I did a good job, not that I needed to do this that and the other thing. Don't get me wrong I would have asked later on, what he his opinion was on my next step, but I didn't want his opinion right then and there.
I think next time I will just have to tell him not to comment until I ask for it.
However, Master Bear did tell me that he was proud of me and that really means a lot to me. It is with his help and strength that I feel that I can do it and keep moving forward.
I don't think I am going to take the advice of everyone and use all of it. I think I am going to take their advice and put my own twist on it.
If things happen it is going to be a good experience for everyone... key word in that sentence is IF!
Silence
i found out this evening that my potential pet/sub is unable to discuss anything with me. i found out that she is ONLY able to talk to my Master. I found out that no matter what happens she is unable to get detached from him. It really is getting on my nerves and i don't know if I can take anymore of it. i am sick of trying to be patient. i am sick of wanting something to be there and hoping that something will be there and then find out there isn't what I want.
I just want to have the answers I ask for that apparently are too much to ask for.
I just want to have the answers I ask for that apparently are too much to ask for.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Betrayed Again and Again and Again and Again and Again......
How many times is someone supposed to be betrayed before they finally get the hint? How many times is someone supposed to be lied to before they finally say enough is enough? How many times does someone have to feel drug on before they get the hint? Well i have to say that enough is enough and I am completely done with it. I am a much stronger person then this. I am a much better person then this. I was told tonight by my potential pet/slave that she loves me and she wants to be mine but she is not sure about me not hurting her.... WTF is that all about???? Was she not sure about getting hurt by any of her other Master hurting her? She claims that I am more real then the other ones. She has felt me, she has seen me.. So she then asked me to promise that I would not hurt her. I told her i would not do that... I told her that I could not promise that. I did tell her that I was going to try to not hurt her.. that apparently is not good enough for her. She wants to wait another month and a half to let me know if she wants to be mine. AM I FREAKING STUPID????
I guess time will only tell...
I guess time will only tell...
My Ring
Today was an alright day. Thought it was going well until I had hit a couple of speed bumps. Thought I had physical therapy today, come to find out it was Thursday. Oh well, I will just call them and reschedule it.
I have this ring that I want to get resized, so I can give it to someone. So i went to this jewelry store to see how much it will cost and they told me that it was going to be a lot less then I thought it would be, but they didn't recommend it at all. The jeweler said that it is an old ring and he said that he would recommend that I just get ahold of the company that made the ring and see if I can get one made to look just like it. So I am going to go to a different jewelry store and see what they tell me.
I have this other ring that I was asking about as well. It used to be my grandmothers. I asked him how much it would cost to get it cleaned. Well long story short, I found out that the ring is worth a lot more then I thought it was. He told me that I need to get it insured, but I have to have a proper appraisal on it.
I was pretty excited to learn that the ring I have loved and thought was only worth a couple hundred dollars was actually worth a couple of thousand.
I have this ring that I want to get resized, so I can give it to someone. So i went to this jewelry store to see how much it will cost and they told me that it was going to be a lot less then I thought it would be, but they didn't recommend it at all. The jeweler said that it is an old ring and he said that he would recommend that I just get ahold of the company that made the ring and see if I can get one made to look just like it. So I am going to go to a different jewelry store and see what they tell me.
I have this other ring that I was asking about as well. It used to be my grandmothers. I asked him how much it would cost to get it cleaned. Well long story short, I found out that the ring is worth a lot more then I thought it was. He told me that I need to get it insured, but I have to have a proper appraisal on it.
I was pretty excited to learn that the ring I have loved and thought was only worth a couple hundred dollars was actually worth a couple of thousand.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The Therapist is IN
Today was a very interesting day. Besides the fact that I had to work all day, well for almost 13 hours, but I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker. There was a girl that I work with that thought a fellow co-worker's was attractive. So I started to ask him a little bit about his private life (which after a couple of months of knowing him I had no clue about), was he married, "No" he says. "How old are you?" 39 he says. I told him he is safe because he was too young for this girl. He asked me who it is, I told him, just to see his reaction... maybe there was hope for them to be a couple, I thought. Well he started to chuckle and when we were alone in the smoking area he proceeded to tell me that he is gay. WOW! I never would have thought that. But I am glad that he felt confidence in me to tell me. I am the only person in the entire warehouse that knows. It makes me feel good when people can tell me things like that.
On another note, I am tired. I am sick and tired. I am sick and tired of drama. I wish there was a way for me to get rid of the drama in my life, but I know it wouldn't be much of a life without drama. Everyone needs to have a little drama in their lives. But you know what, it sure seems like I am loaded with people that want to bring their drama. There are days, and nights too, where I wish i could just curl up under the covers and stay there all day if it meant that I could get away from the drama. But it doesn't work out that way.
Did I ever mention that i want to learn a new language? Did I ever mention that I don't think I am smart enough to learn a different language. I have been told that I need to perfect the language I know already then move onto a different one. Oh well... maybe some day,,,
Well I am going to go to bed before I fall asleep with the computer in my lap.
Smoohes!!!
On another note, I am tired. I am sick and tired. I am sick and tired of drama. I wish there was a way for me to get rid of the drama in my life, but I know it wouldn't be much of a life without drama. Everyone needs to have a little drama in their lives. But you know what, it sure seems like I am loaded with people that want to bring their drama. There are days, and nights too, where I wish i could just curl up under the covers and stay there all day if it meant that I could get away from the drama. But it doesn't work out that way.
Did I ever mention that i want to learn a new language? Did I ever mention that I don't think I am smart enough to learn a different language. I have been told that I need to perfect the language I know already then move onto a different one. Oh well... maybe some day,,,
Well I am going to go to bed before I fall asleep with the computer in my lap.
Smoohes!!!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Protect the Servant
Last night I had a tasking from my new Master that really made me feel uncomfortable but I know it was done to make me feel good about myself. I appreciate the purpose behind it. I think part of my problem is I have never been known as the pretty one up until the last 3 years. Growing up I have always been known as the stronger one, the "Tom-boy", as the one that although like to play sports couldn't because she was the not-so-talented and smart one. I was the older sister and had always wanted brothers so I could be the pretty one, the one that was protected instead of the "proctectee".
I am a servant. I started serving the military, trying to be the best at my job in the Navy. Not too long after I joined the Navy, I got married. Then I was a servant to a violent man. If I did not serve every one of his needs, I was punished in any way you could think of and not in a good way. When that was over I again dove into serving the military. Then I got pregnant and got married, so I was once again serving a man and now a serving to every need of a child. That was my life... serving those two men. Then another child 4 years later, and I served him and his special needs. I have been serving all three of those men for the past 21 years. I have tried to protect my children and make sure they didn't get too hurt along the path that was given to them.
Now i have been given a wonderful tasking of not only serving a Master. I love doing that tremendously, however comma I would like to know what it feels like to have one person serve me just for one day, without question, with out hesitation, and without questioning. Actually was going to have someone serve me, but it doesn't look like that is ever going to happen. the person i thought was going to serve me isn't interested in serving me, but more like having me serve her. That is not what I want but what can i do?
I am a servant. I started serving the military, trying to be the best at my job in the Navy. Not too long after I joined the Navy, I got married. Then I was a servant to a violent man. If I did not serve every one of his needs, I was punished in any way you could think of and not in a good way. When that was over I again dove into serving the military. Then I got pregnant and got married, so I was once again serving a man and now a serving to every need of a child. That was my life... serving those two men. Then another child 4 years later, and I served him and his special needs. I have been serving all three of those men for the past 21 years. I have tried to protect my children and make sure they didn't get too hurt along the path that was given to them.
Now i have been given a wonderful tasking of not only serving a Master. I love doing that tremendously, however comma I would like to know what it feels like to have one person serve me just for one day, without question, with out hesitation, and without questioning. Actually was going to have someone serve me, but it doesn't look like that is ever going to happen. the person i thought was going to serve me isn't interested in serving me, but more like having me serve her. That is not what I want but what can i do?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Just Another Day
Today was just another day. I have just gone through the day as numb as usual. I have had some really bad feelings about my own possibly future pet. I can not seem to get out of my head that she has been doing nothing but causing drama in my life and those around me. The bigger problem is she is now aware of what she has been doing. She, my possibly future pet, has gotten upset because I was speaking to a couple of people that were giving me advice. Then she brings in someone that did not know what was going on at all. She claimed that he knows how to deal with her. How can he deal with her when he doesn't know what is going on? I had to tell him my side of the story, just like she claimed she wanted to tell our mutual friends. I can not wait for our mutual friends and my new Master what her friend has been saying.
Now as for my other friend, the one with the sex change. I am hopefully going to get to see her tomorrow. I can't wait. I miss her so much. But she may not be able to get away to come visit me even just for a moment.
I am supposed to go to bed in 14 minutes. I am sure ready.
I hope tomorrow is a brighter day.
Now as for my other friend, the one with the sex change. I am hopefully going to get to see her tomorrow. I can't wait. I miss her so much. But she may not be able to get away to come visit me even just for a moment.
I am supposed to go to bed in 14 minutes. I am sure ready.
I hope tomorrow is a brighter day.
WHAT MORE CAN BE PUT ON MY PLATE???
August 23, 2010 ~
Today was a day of emotions. I woke up in such a good mood, feeling like i am going to concur the world, even though I woke up later than I anticipated, still I did make it to work on time. I felt like I was going to get my work done in plenty of time. My day started off with feeling pretty good and then it progressively got worse and worse. I have this girlfriend that wants to be a part of my life and my new Master's life but she is jealous of my and his friendship, so she causes problems with me because of it. I have only one thing to say... I was about to just tell my girlfriend to pack sand and leave me the heck alone. I have lost sleep, lost tears, and lost my temper (which i pride myself on not allowing anyone to get me to do) over the jealousy that she seemed to portray but not admit to. Even as I am writing this she is still arguing with me about her not being jealous.
Then I tried to get her and my new Master to speak to each other about what has been going on between them and now, even though I have said I want to stay out of the middle of it, I am still being brought in the middle of it.
So then I come home to find a couple of text messages from a dear dear girlfriend of mine, that I always have loved. Saying for me to check my email that she has sent me an important email and wanted my opinion. I couldn't wait to get on line and check it out. She wanted my opinion on her getting a sex change. It has always been her dream to do it and now she is asking me for my opinion. I have never felt so privileged to have someone ask me such a life altering question. That makes me feel good.
Now for having my new Master... I am very happy that he is so understanding as to what is going on in my personal life. Yes my other Master was also understanding however comma he thought that having an orgasim would solve all of the problems of the world. Well sorry that is not what i am about. i prefer talking about it, yelling about it and oh i don't know maybe even solving the problem. It is almost like his way of thinking is almost like the thought process of an alcoholic.
Well I have to go and get into bed. Hope my ramblings on doesn't put you off.
Have a nice day!
Today was a day of emotions. I woke up in such a good mood, feeling like i am going to concur the world, even though I woke up later than I anticipated, still I did make it to work on time. I felt like I was going to get my work done in plenty of time. My day started off with feeling pretty good and then it progressively got worse and worse. I have this girlfriend that wants to be a part of my life and my new Master's life but she is jealous of my and his friendship, so she causes problems with me because of it. I have only one thing to say... I was about to just tell my girlfriend to pack sand and leave me the heck alone. I have lost sleep, lost tears, and lost my temper (which i pride myself on not allowing anyone to get me to do) over the jealousy that she seemed to portray but not admit to. Even as I am writing this she is still arguing with me about her not being jealous.
Then I tried to get her and my new Master to speak to each other about what has been going on between them and now, even though I have said I want to stay out of the middle of it, I am still being brought in the middle of it.
So then I come home to find a couple of text messages from a dear dear girlfriend of mine, that I always have loved. Saying for me to check my email that she has sent me an important email and wanted my opinion. I couldn't wait to get on line and check it out. She wanted my opinion on her getting a sex change. It has always been her dream to do it and now she is asking me for my opinion. I have never felt so privileged to have someone ask me such a life altering question. That makes me feel good.
Now for having my new Master... I am very happy that he is so understanding as to what is going on in my personal life. Yes my other Master was also understanding however comma he thought that having an orgasim would solve all of the problems of the world. Well sorry that is not what i am about. i prefer talking about it, yelling about it and oh i don't know maybe even solving the problem. It is almost like his way of thinking is almost like the thought process of an alcoholic.
Well I have to go and get into bed. Hope my ramblings on doesn't put you off.
Have a nice day!
Monday, August 23, 2010
The Meaning of To Serve
You would think there would be several meanings for serving. The best one I have come up is an individual who performs duties about the person or home of a Master. To serve is to be a servant. To be a servant is to be a slave. To be a slave is to serve a Master, is to please a Master, is to make sure that your Master is happy.
This is my first day of being a slave to a new Master. I am excited about getting to know what it is like to have a different type of Master. I have found that there is a difference between Masters. One Master may be interested in just the playing role mainly in the bedroom and one Master is interested in living the lifestyle in a more 24 hour ~ 7 day a week type.
So I am looking forward to seeing what it the difference is.
This is my first day of being a slave to a new Master. I am excited about getting to know what it is like to have a different type of Master. I have found that there is a difference between Masters. One Master may be interested in just the playing role mainly in the bedroom and one Master is interested in living the lifestyle in a more 24 hour ~ 7 day a week type.
So I am looking forward to seeing what it the difference is.
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