Okay so it has been a week since I went on vacation, back home, to see the man I truly love. I asked him to marry me within the first hour of the visit. Then he asked me. We both exchanged rings, it really was sweet. The one thing I truly loved about his moment was the "signs" I had received from my dad. For about a month before the trip, I had been trying to get a sign my from my dad (who even though has been passed away for almost 5 years still has a big say in my life), and I finally got not just one but two signs. They are something special to me that I would rather not share with everyone but I will tell you this they are two VERY BIG signs.
Then after that we really didn't do much but then again we did. I got to go to my first MMA fight. I was pretty excited about that. I am hooked! But it really should be in person to truly enjoy it. I had a really good time being with the man I love, his daughter and his brother.
Then the next day we went and just drove around for a little bit, wanted to go to the cemetery, wanted to go to the festival that was going on but I guess it wasn't meant to be for us to go to that at that particular time. We went to see his best friends son's football game. That was fun. Went to the festival that night. But before that I finally got to meet then son of the man I truly love. That was great, even though it was really a short meeting. I wanted to get to know him more, maybe some other time.
Well then that Sunday came really fast. We went to meet up with his best friend and family for a little while. Then we went to the airport. Well they over booked the flight and so I had to go on standby. We sat in the waiting area for a few minutes and that was the hardest time of it all, because I just didn't want to go and he didn't want to let me go, at least that is the impression I got from the tone in his voice.
Didn't get to make the flight, had to stay at his best friends house. That was nice but then again it was hard because my love was so close and yet so far away.
It has now been exactly one week since I have seen him and it has been the longest week in the history of the world. I miss him so much and I have realized that I just don't belong here. How can I just tell my children that I am going to leave and I will always be here for them? They just don't understand how I feel and how I have felt for a very long time. All they see is that their parents live in the same house and fight over every little thing in the world.
Long story short... I got a very nice promise ring, I gave a very nice promise ring, I got to meet some people, I got to see a fight and a game, I got to enjoy the smells and sounds and sites of my home town again... and I fell in love over again.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Day of High Emotions
I know I haven't written in a few days but nothing has been worth writing about until today.
I have had nothing but up and deep down emotions running through me all day today. It started off with when the man that I love told me that his daughter has turned on him and has moved back in with her mother because her mother has money and he can only provide a roof, food, electricity, water and loads and loads of love. He would do anything for her and she doesn't see that at all. All she sees is that her mother can and has bought the love of the daughter that she once had placed a restraining order against her one and only daughter to come within 25 feet of their house. And his daughter seems to forget who was there to pick up the pieces when her mother told her daughter that she hated her and didn't want to have anything to do with her.
Then not too long after that I spoke to the man I love and he was talking to some girl he works with and he was being passionate about something they were discussing and he actually said out loud that he is, "A SINGLE hetrosexual man and didn't really care to watch certain t.v. shows." A SINGLE man? A single man!?!?! It just wounded me pretty badly.
THEN! I was watching one of my favorite television shows and it was about this child who's father had a heart attack and it put him into a coma. The child was having a very hard time dealing with it. Well my father died 4 1/2 years ago. I didn't get to say anything to him "good-bye" is not my favorite word. I absolutely HATE it! So I was having a very hard time watching the show because the child was given the chance to say things to his father that i wished I could have said to mine.... while he could still hear them. I miss him terribly.
NOW... i am having an argument with a friend about how she drinks to deal with the pains in her life... her future potential Master giving her a hard time... her previous Master still having an affect on her daily activities and how much she still cares for him... and how she is having problems with her children and she doesn't want to listen to the ONE friend that is telling her like it is and to get not only the child but the rest of her family the help that they all need... And I swear if she says "sorry" to me one more time I am going to let her have it with both barrels, no holds bared!
I have had nothing but up and deep down emotions running through me all day today. It started off with when the man that I love told me that his daughter has turned on him and has moved back in with her mother because her mother has money and he can only provide a roof, food, electricity, water and loads and loads of love. He would do anything for her and she doesn't see that at all. All she sees is that her mother can and has bought the love of the daughter that she once had placed a restraining order against her one and only daughter to come within 25 feet of their house. And his daughter seems to forget who was there to pick up the pieces when her mother told her daughter that she hated her and didn't want to have anything to do with her.
Then not too long after that I spoke to the man I love and he was talking to some girl he works with and he was being passionate about something they were discussing and he actually said out loud that he is, "A SINGLE hetrosexual man and didn't really care to watch certain t.v. shows." A SINGLE man? A single man!?!?! It just wounded me pretty badly.
THEN! I was watching one of my favorite television shows and it was about this child who's father had a heart attack and it put him into a coma. The child was having a very hard time dealing with it. Well my father died 4 1/2 years ago. I didn't get to say anything to him "good-bye" is not my favorite word. I absolutely HATE it! So I was having a very hard time watching the show because the child was given the chance to say things to his father that i wished I could have said to mine.... while he could still hear them. I miss him terribly.
NOW... i am having an argument with a friend about how she drinks to deal with the pains in her life... her future potential Master giving her a hard time... her previous Master still having an affect on her daily activities and how much she still cares for him... and how she is having problems with her children and she doesn't want to listen to the ONE friend that is telling her like it is and to get not only the child but the rest of her family the help that they all need... And I swear if she says "sorry" to me one more time I am going to let her have it with both barrels, no holds bared!
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